It's Called Life
by WickedGrimmerie
Summary: [Literati] Takes place between season 2 and 3. Rory didn't go to Washington after her and Jess kissed.


**It's Called Life**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gilmore Girls, in case you couldn't figure that out by the fact that I'm writing a fanfiction.

Arctic Cow

"Poor little Tommy got eaten by wolves," mom told me as we sat in our living room eating Chinese.

"Who's Tommy?"

"An arctic cow baby."

"There is no such thing as an arctic cow baby," I said.

"Well then what's Tommy?" mom asked and used chopsticks to take a bite of sesame chicken.

"I don't know. Didn't they say in the documentary you were watching?"

"No, that documentary was very unhelpful. When am I _ever_ going need to know that Tommy got eaten by wolves?"

"You were extremely bored on Saturday weren't you?" I asked, trying to stop the madness that my mother had started.

"You have no idea. You are hereby grounded from working on the Franklin with Paris on weekends and leaving me with nothing to do but watch educational shows."

"I'm sure Paris will take that well," I said sarcastically and took a drink from my soda.

Silence fell between the us as mom pressed play and their movie started. I poked at my chicken and rice, not even trying to pay attention to the movie. I knew I wouldn't be able to. Every time I wasn't talking or doing something the required my complete attention I would be overwhelmed with guilt. I had kissed Jess. I had kissed Jess when I had just seen Dean ten minutes before. I am a horrible, terrible person. I didn't even want to tell mom. I can always tell her everything, no matter what. She always understands.

I looked over at her. She took sip of her drink and a bite of chicken without ever taking her eyes off the TV screen or breaking concentration. It's a Gilmore talent I had perfected at an early age.

"Mom, I need to tell you something."

She looked at me with a small smile on her face but frowned the second she saw that something was wrong. "What is it?"

I took a breath and looked at the archway that led into the kitchen just behind her. "At Sookie's wedding," I began, looking at her to see hurt flash through her eyes. She was thinking about dad. I cleared my throat and continued, averting my eyes to the staircase, "I kissed Jess."

"You what?"

I didn't answer, knowing she heard me. My eyes snapped to her when she leaned forward to pick up the remote turn off the movie. She settled back into the couch. "Start over, and tell me the whole story."

I did. I told her about taking a walk (leaving out the part with dad) and seeing Jess. I told her about our quick conversation and made sure it was clear that _I_ kissed him and not the other way around. I didn't want her hating Jess any more than she did. And I told her that we hadn't spoken since. Every time I saw him in town I went the other way. I just wasn't ready to face him yet and have to deal with telling him that the kiss meant nothing. There was Dean and the fact that he loved me.

And the fact that telling Jess that the kiss meant nothing would be a complete lie. But I couldn't tell mom that.

"So do you want to be with Dean or Jess?" she asked when I finished. I could hear the frustration in her voice. It killed me. I didn't want her to be disappointed in me. I usually never had to deal with her disappointment but the few times I did were some of the worst memories that I usually tried to block out.

"Dean, of course Dean," I replied quickly. Although throughout the last few months I had been having second thoughts about that. I had to remind myself that Dean is the perfect boyfriend: so sweet, kind, thoughtful… and predictable.

"Rory," mom whispered softly, as if she could see right through me. Of course she could. She always could. "Don't rush to make this decision. Dean doesn't deserve to be treated this way—"

Suddenly, when she said that, I felt angry. I knew what she was about to say. She didn't need to tell me. "I know mom," I snapped, "It's not like I was _trying_ to hurt him! It just happened."

Mom lost her gentle, patient tone with me. "Well it just so_ happens_ that what you did would _kill_ him if he found out!"

"I know!" I shouted over her, stopping her from continuing. Then more gently, "I know." Mom hugged me tight. "I love Dean," I whispered.

I lied.

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Reviews are love. And I know this wasn't a great chapter, but the next one will pick up and have some Rory/Jess action in it.


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